Message in a Bottle
Dear
World—Help! We are being held hostage. Yes, it’s true that some of
our manly white dudes worship the guy with the big button, but the
Stockholm syndrome can make you crazy. Yes, our GOP leaders that you
ordinarily deal with are greedy, spineless frauds, but it’s hard to be a
sycophant and rich at the same time. Don’t expect them to negotiate:
after their tax bill, they’re set until at least 2027 and won’t be
interested in doing any deals except their own.
These
tweet storms are worse than listening to “I’d love to be an Oscar Meyer
weiner/That is what I’d truly like to be-e-e” cycled 24/7 over a
loudspeaker. We can’t take it anymore! Nuclear war, what!? Huma
Abedin? Is she dangerous? An awards show for crooked media? Who’s
nominated? HE put an end to death in the skies. What else should we be
grateful for? Stop!
We
aren’t grateful! He isn’t us! Please don’t abandon us. We have a
problem in our family. It’s a disease. We are at Step 1: we admit
that we are powerless. Can you help us with an intervention? A BIG
one? Send Gort. Klaatu barada nikto.
We know he never wanted the job. We’re afraid of what he’ll do to get rid of it.
You’ve got to hurry. It’s getting worse every day. The lives you save may be your own.
Publishing history
Daily Freeman 1/10
New Paltz Times 1/11
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